so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
