oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
