My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize