just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
