You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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