You made me cry and you don't even care
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
