you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
