Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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