$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
