I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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