If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
