I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
