Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
do herpes really smell.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
