the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
