Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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