so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
