right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
