My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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