called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
