where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
