he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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