it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
