I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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