I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
