seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
