And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
