You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
last night I used snow as a chaser
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
