Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i will never coherently bang her
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Randomize
