soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
