Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
