My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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