All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
is that a dick in a sweater?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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