babies were throwing up all over the place
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
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