When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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