billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
