he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize