dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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