My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
