I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
