go do what you do best...puke behind churches
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
