I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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