She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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