dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
