Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Need sex. Gaining weight.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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