if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
