I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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