I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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