So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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