I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
