Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Randomize
