Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
