i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
