remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
that's an acceptable place to lick
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
