my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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