He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
