Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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